by Ismail "Izzy" Ibric (Dec. 2006 - DeVry Institute of Technology)
The Question: Does society influence a couple's decision to stay together?
The way we behave and what we have accepted as normal are but a few things that influence our lives. Each era has seen its people scrutinized for not following the norms. The Salem witch hunts burned women at the stake for being different and following their own ways. Scientists were discredited in public for even suggesting that earth was not at the center of the universe. Could it be that society, which are comprised of such people, have an overwhelming influence on our daily lives? For instance, women might be driven by the needs of their parents, and society, to be a good girl to the people around them, even to their partners, not acting on what she wants, but what is expected of her. (Clegg, p. 5) Does society influence a couple's decision to stay together in this day and age?
Growing up, we were thought to act in a certain way, to stand up straight and be presentable. Slouching was not for the noble among us. Keeping this image of being pristine, even after we have grown up, seems only too normal. Looking at our parents, who have been life partners for so many years, and have loves us so dearly, it would seem only natural to strive to have a wonderful family of our own just like they had. The need to be in a relationship is overwhelming, and sometimes so, even if your partner might not be the prince charming, as many young girls are lead to believe. Growing up, girls are led to believe that their prince charming will someday come to whisk them away and live happy ever after. Immediate family and friends place expectations on their children to find a life partner, even if that partner might not be what they are looking for.
As young adults who have fully matured, emotionally and biologically, we look for our mates, and are influenced by others in what we should be looking for in our life partners. Things we should be looking for might be for successful individuals that have succeeded in life and know a thing or two about the world. The desire for your own new family to have what your parents had might not be possible with someone that is penniless. Living the "American Dream" means competing with the Joneses to having the nicest car, living in the best neighborhood, and having the latest do-das. Made to feel you have succeeded in life might only be possible from the approval of people. Social standing and what others think of us play a role in our happiness.
Parents strive to provide for their family. Both parents might have jobs and barely get ahead. Giving their kids what they might not have had growing up might be a driving factor to push on, even if life turned out to be different than what they had in mind. These couples find themselves in a position of putting their kids ahead of their own needs. This was, and still is, an acceptable practice by many couples and to do otherwise would be frowned upon by society and though of as an inability by one of the partners to make it work, for such reasons as being self centered and just looking out for ones own interests. "Nevertheless, a divorce, no matter how short the marriage, was a troubling admission of a mistake or even failure."(Weiss, p. 184) The possibility of being viewed as having failed in marriage by people might keep those parents together, even though the only thing in common they share are seeing their kids happy. These couples stay together because of their kids, as society views the need for both parents as a requirement for the child's well being for growing up normal.
The couples that do divorce are scrutinized for contributing to the delinquency of minors, because their child did not have both parents to raise him/her. Society has deemed the separation of couples as the number one threat to the healthy development of a child. A smaller portion of people in today's society are looking to lawmakers to make it even more difficult to divorce because married couples are not suppose to have the option to easily reconsider their relationships, if two people are meant to stay together or look for someone more compatible. (Hewlett, p. 242) This trend still exists in some societies, and was once the way of life also in America in late 1900's. Since forcing couples to stay together in America in this day and age is not as effective anymore, the masses are preaching to separated parents to not loose contact with their biological child, and to try and be apart of their lives growing up. Societies influence on Post-Marriage in America has shifted in this regard towards encouraging parents to continue to be there for their children, even if their spouse did not turn out to be an ideal match.
The shift that has been happening in America for the past decades is far ahead of other countries in what is acceptable and expected of parents. The focus has shifted from putting family first, to looking to fulfill ones own needs. This is a great departure from what was expected from parents in the past. Gender roles have dictated the lives people have lead not that many years ago and still lead in other countries/nationalities. "The decline in the family wage (the ability of one partner to be able to earn enough to support a family) has made the simple division between 'father breadwinner' and 'mother homemaker' harder to maintain in its pure form, but many couples maintain and reinforce the division of responsibility that accompanies it." (Townsend, p.94) The image society has built of the father being the sole breadwinner is not the case any longer. Mothers that have come to an agreement with the fathers opted to pursue their careers further to become the sole breadwinners in the family. The father might have chosen to be a stay at home day and care for the kids. What once society considered a breadwinner, the father being the sole provider, is no longer the case today. Mothers could take on that responsibility too, switching roles with their partner, and the father can stay at home and be just as supportive to the family as mom was.
Other societies are starting to adapt the notion of making their own choices and not letting society control their lives. "The women of India are uniting to free themselves from centuries of gender-based restrictions, and it's made life for many both better and worse," women in India "… now have more choice in the way they live their lives." (Orvis, http) Many nationalities that comprise the society that we have in the US today have come from across the globe, and are coming slowly to the same realizations that others have already discovered long ago. Arranged marriages and other variations of traditional, old fashioned, gender roles are not suitable for the newer generations. Once upon a time such couples where matched together out of necessity, and expected to fulfill their duties, modeling their roles to kings and queens of their times. These values have changed, not to reflect kings and queens, but of others that take life into their own hands and dictate their own destiny, much like some women do, Oprah for instance, moving away from accepting what society say they should be doing.
While there are some people that still hold onto the tried and true, the old ways, the newer generations are rejecting their parents and grandparents roles of pleasing the public at large, which entails holding an image of being pristine and never faltering. Getting involved in a relationship no longer means throwing your whole life away because you made a wrong judgment about your partner, or were not aware of their drinking habits, or of their abusive nature. Selfish as it sounds, we have but one life to live and having someone that you can share your time on this planet with is the greatest gift of all. Individuals are looking for partners that can get along and are in sync. Misunderstandings lead to mystification and blame. Different people have different styles of communication and being able to understand them allows us to take their criticism as only their point of view. (Tannen, p. 48) Being able to understand societies needs and those of their own, couples can do what is best suited for them. This is the trend we are moving towards, and societies influence on weather couples stay together is no longer and issue as life is too short to spend it in a relationship that does not seem to work.
References
Clegg, E. M. (1997). Goodbye good girl: Letting go of the rules and taking back your self. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, Inc.
Hewlett, A. S., & West, C. (1998). The War Against Parents. New York: Houghton Mifflin Company.
Tannen, D. (1990). You just don't understand: Women and men in conversation. New York: Random House, Inc.
Townsend, N. W. (1998). The package deal: Marriage, work, and fatherhood in men's lives. Philadelphia: Temple University Press.
Weiss, J. (2000). To have and to hold: Marriage, the baby boom, and social change. Chicago: The University of Chicago Press.
Retrieved from http://www.fpa.org/topics_info2414/topics_info_show.htm?doc_id=366841
Feb 13, 2011
Stubborn Life (self portrait)
by Ismail "Izzy" Ibric (Oct. 2006 - DeVry Institute of Technology)
It was, as Ismail's parents have told the story, a rush to get him to the hospital before he entered this world. On that day, the Nth of December, in 1976, he could not wait to take his 1st breath. Ismail's mother, Emily, went into labor and the family doctor was all the way in Manhattan. This was a problem, since Ismail's parents took up residence in Queens, and Ismail's father, Reggie, was at work at the time. Luckily, a close family friend, Ferdinand, lived close by and was available. He rushed over to personally take Emily to her doctor in Manhattan. Upon his arrival, it was apparent that Emily was already in labor and this baby was not willing to wait a minute more. Ferdinand was breaking every vehicular rule that day to get to the hospital. Upon arrival to the hospital, the baby's head was already making his appearance, as it could not wait to take its own breath. Ismail was born a Blue baby boy. He was the middle child, with 2 siblings, an older sister, Saj, and a younger sister, Sue.
Even though born in Manhattan, Ismail spent most of his initial childhood in Queens, until his parents were not able to care for him the way they though he needed to be cared for. His older sister, Saj, was already sent to Europe to live with her grandparents. Now it was time for Ismail to join her in Europe. Knowing only English, Ismail initially faced obstacles from the language barriers that existed upon his arrival. He was not able to communicate with these new strangers and was not very happy for the next few years. Even though he was never left out in the activities that where available, he felt lonely and did not try to communicate, or let others in. Even though he was treated fairly, he always jumped at the chance to visit his parents in New York.
One year, now in 5th grade, Ismail developed allergies that made his lungs weep, struggling to catch his breath. This summer, he was visited by his parents. They took him to the best doctors they could find, but they were not able to help Ismail. They could not even determine the cause of the air passage constrictions Ismail was having. Unable to determine the cause, and the worry that it caused for Ismail's parents, they decided that it would be best to bring him to New York. Ismail was relived that he was going back with his parents, but at the same time, he felt sad he was leaving his sister behind. He would also miss those people that interacted with him throughout the years he spent there. On the way to the airport, Ismail felt relief, and was now able to breathe better.
The next few years Ismail was rediscovering the forgotten wonders that he once was exposed to as a 7 year old. This fall he would be starting 6th grade, and the though of having to make new friends was unsettling, as Ismail never the one to open up to others. In 7th and 8th grade, junior high seemed to go by very fast for Ismail. Just before graduating from junior high, Ismail developed a crush on a girl in the same class. Her name was Iris Lopez, and she made him feel as if he could do anything. He brought flowers for her into class, with the teacher and all the students staring, and the thought did not even cross his mind to think what they might make fun of him. Only 2 weeks to the prom, Ismail was mustering the courage to ask her to go with him, but he found out from his friends that she was already going with someone else. Two weeks pass, and on prom night, Ismail can't help wondering why she will not even acknowledge him. He spends the whole night dancing with the rest of the girls in the same class, all the time them approaching him to dance, but every chance he got, he would look over to see where Iris was and with whom she was dancing with now. After tonight, Ismail would not open up his heart to any girl, for a long time to come.
High school seemed to pass bye just as fast for Ismail. He attended Franklyn K. Lane for 2 years, and Sheepshead Bay for the remaining 2 years. Both schools were full of not so nice kids. He kept himself busy with his studies, and even had the chance to graduate early, but instead, divided his last 4 classes across the whole year, just so he could stay longer. The world seemed like an even scarier place, if high school was any indicator for what lay ahead. If environment was a factor in shaping the type of person Ismail would become, he should have been arrested a number of times, as well as picked up a trade or two. Those aspects of environment did not influence him, while others, in his past, did. Was it biology that dictated what he found appealing and what he didn't?
Ismail was now attending Brooklyn College, and found the environment to be very unforgiving. With some interest in the computer sciences, he enrolls hoping to learn programming. Even though he was apt at application development, his interests were pulling him toward finding creating ways to use computers. Growing up, Ismail loved to read comics, doodle in his notebook, and even write poems. He needed a way to show his creativity and look for ways to be appreciated. He did not stay very long at Brooklyn College.
Now a grown man, Ismail was trying to find meaning in life. What was it all for? Were we put on this earth by a higher being? If so, why were we made to suffer through this existence? In his quest to find meaning in life, his attitudes toward those people that made others suffer even more that they already have, turned even bitter. Ismail has now become a semi-shy young man, who is giving, caring, self-critical, yet still open minded to the struggles of the innate human nature that people cope with throughout their lives. To this end, Ismail strives to stay honest and follow his heart in his attempt to make a positive impact on humanity. Some day, he will run his own business that strives to discover new ways to better help humanity deal with the hassles that we face every day. The risk involved in starting and actually maintaining a successful business comes in two forms. One is the appeal of the product and its cost, and the other, the risk involved in the development of the mentality of a success businessman, when you reach the top. The challenge Ismail set for himself is to try and not loose sight as to why he is pursuing this dream in the first place.
The life and times of Ismail Ibric is allot more extensive, but the summarized version you just read dealt with past events in his life that had a direct influence on what kind of person he turned out to be. What kind of person is Ismail really?
Ismail's basic personality shows that he is an Introvert. He likes to keep to himself. This might have come from his childhood as he dealt with separation from his parents. Or it might be genetic, like his father, who kept to himself and never made many enemies, but also, not too many friends either. Ismail's Jungian 16-Type personality is INTP. INTP is one of the 16 personality types defined in the Myers Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI). INTPs are about 1% of the general population, making this one of the rarest of types. The INTP is above all a thinker and his inner (private) world is a place governed by a strong sense of logical structure. For here is the central goal of the INTP: to understand and seek truth. The drive to understand things that are not yet understood is a very powerful force in the life of an INTP. Independence, derived primarily from strongly introverted Thinking, leads to perhaps the most difficult aspect (for others) of the INTP, namely stubbornness. If an INTP is pushed into doing something he will automatically resist. The reason for the resistance is simply that any action must first be filtered by the Ti, guided by the Ne. He must be given the chance to reach an independent decision, approving or rejecting the action. Finally, the dominant Ti function means that the INTP takes his interests and beliefs very seriously. Honesty and directness when explaining these interests are usually displayed. INTPs detest facades and particularly dislike people who exhibit them. Equally, those kind of people also dislike INTPs and avoid them at all cost, for they know that the INTP will see right through them. Humor is another aspect which marks out the INTP. He can readily dream up jokes about almost any situation. Taking things out of context is the chief source of humor and many an INTP is a Monty Pythonite. INTPs tend to be rather mistrusting of people and are rather skeptical. However, a lot of their trust is based on what the Ne function tells them about somebody. This can lead to a naivety and sometimes to prejudices based on intuitive perceptions of appearance and style. People can be a problem for INTPs: on the one hand they are fascinated by some types of people, especially more extraverted individuals, but a fear of irrational behavior in others usually leads to caution. Friendship with INTPs develops at a pace which depends considerably on the temperament of the other person. INTPs dislike making the first move and tend to mirror the emotional content of the other person. (James, 2000)
What does Ismail Value? Ismail's values are linked with fairness, for instance, when injustice is being perpetrated, he has the urge to fight back and right those wrongs. Each individual has certain underlying values, and Ismail believes in working hard in order to get ahead. "Values have three important characteristics. First, values are developed early in life and are very resistant to change. Second, values define what is right and what is wrong. And third, values themselves cannot be proved correct or incorrect, valid or invalid, right or wrong." (Wikipedia, 2006) As far as values relates to job satisfaction, there is very little correlation for Ismail, to suggest certain values will increase job satisfaction. "For some people a conflict can arise within them because they are trying to live a life according to the values of a company, an organization, a religious or political organization, the values of their friends or colleagues or partners, rather than living a life according to their own core values. In doing this, the values of the other people or organizations are being met but the person's own values are being left unfulfilled." (Woods, 2005) Job satisfaction for Ismail exists when both parties are satisfied with the amount of work/fairness in compensation, is exchanged. Ismail's values are what he brings to his work every day. He strives to achieve even greater things as he will not be satisfied unless there is a sense of accomplishment in his work. He is not motivated by power, fame and fortune, and understands that they are byproducts that need to be moderated and kept under control, and not in turn be controlled by them.
Love, or feeling devoid of it?! Ismail has grown up looking for a partner that shares his values, but who will also shares a spiritual connection with him. He is scrutinized by those around him for his high requirements that he expects from his future partner, but they do not see that he is a romantic deep down, even though he does not wear his heart on his sleeve, all he really wants is to be loved and to love in return. "Bentham's follower John Stuart Mill (1806-73) argued that it is the critic who insinuated that human beings are no better than pigs. For it is the critic who claims that our only pleasure are those of animal sensation. A more optimistic picture reminds us of the pleasure of friendship, achievement, art, music, Socratic conversation, and discovery." (Blackburn, 2001, p. 82) Ismail's values are quite different from what his parents and relatives look for in a life partner. His parents are traditional and as such, follow the traditions handed down to them from their parents, and so forth. Ismail's parents expect him to follow in their footsteps and marry a girl that comes from a respectable European family. But he is not the type to settle for anything less than the real thing. Even though he has been scorned by love in the past, a piece of him is missing and he searches for what he longs for. The attached poem, "Living The Life I Want", shows his need to express himself in an artistic way about what he is searching for. Are there other things that he wants from life?
What motivates Ismail? Is it the need to achieve that motivates him? What exactly is motivation? To be motivated is to be moved into action, according to the philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer (1841/1960), who was one of the first to speculate on the relationship between motivation and behavior. Action or behavior does not occur spontaneously but is induced by either internal motives or environmental incentives. (Deckers, 2001, p. 2) Abraham Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs has also been seen as an attributing factor to the understanding of personal base motives. This theory helps explain what humans need and in what order they seek these needs. Some believe knowing this hierarchy can help explain any action a human may take. (Wikipedia, 2006) What motivates Ismail are the countless children that go to sleep hungry, who do not have the proper hygienic facilities to remove human waste, who cant afford school supplies, who see life as a burden and this existence as a curse. He is a caring individual, empathetic with the plight of those that are struggling. What keeps him going is the hope that maybe one day his organization will be able to make the lives of countless people allot more bearable and maybe make a difference for a few. He realizes that some of the blame falls on people that are greedy. The ones that take more that their share are creating these grueling conditions for those that are deprived. He would like to see these corrupt organizations not just return monetary harmony, but turn over a new leaf, and see them helping others who need it most. If humanity avoided doing wrong onto itself, there would be none in need of help. But that is not the only thing that motivates him.
Ismail also thrives on thinking up and implementing new ideas and innovations that give him a sense of accomplishment. Self-worth is important part of his work as it keeps him motivated to keep trying to achieve even more. To feel that your work and your efforts are not in vein, and that their lives have been enriched by what you have to offer, gives you motivation to get through one more day. Being appreciated, on some level, is a small part of what keeps Ismail going as well. We often take our parents, our teachers, and our coaches for granted… Remembering to say "Thank You" is important for the person saying "Thanks", but it may even be more important for the person receiving it. (Taylor, 2000) Even though some might view this motivator as being selfish, it does not act as a corruptor for him. Ismail understands that not everything he does will be immediately appreciated. It might take time and understanding on the part of the receiving party to see what was really given to them. Self-confidence in what he does is reward enough, and if others see his contribution, he will gladly accept praise, as those giving praise, he believes, might share in his vision of bettering the lives for others. Are Ismail's morals right or wrong?
What do ethics mean to Ismail? How do people perceive what's right from wrong? How does Ismail make this distinction? Aristotle conceives of ethical theory as a field distinct from the theoretical sciences… Like Plato, he regards the ethical virtues (justice, courage, temperance and so on) as complex rational, emotional and social skills… Therefore practical wisdom, as he conceives it, cannot be acquired solely by learning general rules. We must also acquire, through practice, those deliberative, emotional, and social skills that enable us to put our general understanding of well-being into practice in ways that are suitable to each occasion. (Stanford, 2001) Growing up all around such bad influences did have an impact on him, but instead of corrupting him, instead those experiences served to relate to others and to better understand and sympathize with those that are or have lived through those situations. He has come to realize that situations people find themselves in dictate what they perceive to be right and wrong, what's acceptable by society or the group they belong to. In essence, it becomes "… a complex process by which individual opinions and judgments, biased by the interests and passions of those involved, may, under some conditions, in the aggregate, produce an opinion or a judgment in keeping with the common interest." (Boudon, 2001, p. 182) Depending on the position in life a certain individual finds himself in, ethics become a form of a survival mechanism, in that it is used to adapt to the environment the individual finds himself in, but only if that individual is somehow vulnerable and wants to be part of that group and is trying to fill a personal need. So ethics on its own are not a good sole indicator of what an individual is all about, at certain times, in certain situations, throughout our life. Ismail strives to live life to its fullest, going by what he perceives as being right. He tries not to do wrong or be controlled by negativity or ill will to anyone. He has found this goal to be very challenging and the harsh reality that is part of the real world, is not an ideal place, and that he might be faced with insurmountable odds. Even though people have the capacity for good, they are also capable of such unimaginably atrocious deeds.
Even with the facts at hand, he has not given up hope. As long as people are capable of good, there is hope. Staying positive is crucial in the face of great obstacles. Where he goes from here, and if he stays optimistic about the world around him is something that is to be seen. We can only pray for the best.
References
Blackburn, S. (2001). Being Good. A short introduction to ethics. Oxford: Oxford University Press.
Boudon, R. (2001). The Origin Of Values. Sociology and Philosophy on Beliefs. New Jersey: Transaction Publishers.
Deckers, L. (2001). Motivation. Biological, Psychological, and Environmental. Main: Allyn & Bacon.
James, P. (2000). A description of the INTP Personality Type. Retrieved October 16, 2006, from http://www.intp.org/intprofile.html
Stanford. (2001) Aristotle's Ethics. Stanford, CA: Stanford University. Retrieved October 16, 2006, from http://plato.stanford.edu/entries/aristotle-ethics/
Taylor, I. (2000). Feeling Appreciated. British Columbia: suite101.com. Retrieved October 16, 2006, from http://www.suite101.com/article.cfm/making_learning_fun/35236
Wikipedia. (2006). Base motive. Wikimedia Foundation, Inc. Retrieved October 14, 2006, from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Base_motive
Woods, D. (2005) Personal Core Values. Ezine Articles. Retrieved October 15, 2006, from http://ezinearticles.com/?Personal-Core-Values&id=73132
It was, as Ismail's parents have told the story, a rush to get him to the hospital before he entered this world. On that day, the Nth of December, in 1976, he could not wait to take his 1st breath. Ismail's mother, Emily, went into labor and the family doctor was all the way in Manhattan. This was a problem, since Ismail's parents took up residence in Queens, and Ismail's father, Reggie, was at work at the time. Luckily, a close family friend, Ferdinand, lived close by and was available. He rushed over to personally take Emily to her doctor in Manhattan. Upon his arrival, it was apparent that Emily was already in labor and this baby was not willing to wait a minute more. Ferdinand was breaking every vehicular rule that day to get to the hospital. Upon arrival to the hospital, the baby's head was already making his appearance, as it could not wait to take its own breath. Ismail was born a Blue baby boy. He was the middle child, with 2 siblings, an older sister, Saj, and a younger sister, Sue.
Even though born in Manhattan, Ismail spent most of his initial childhood in Queens, until his parents were not able to care for him the way they though he needed to be cared for. His older sister, Saj, was already sent to Europe to live with her grandparents. Now it was time for Ismail to join her in Europe. Knowing only English, Ismail initially faced obstacles from the language barriers that existed upon his arrival. He was not able to communicate with these new strangers and was not very happy for the next few years. Even though he was never left out in the activities that where available, he felt lonely and did not try to communicate, or let others in. Even though he was treated fairly, he always jumped at the chance to visit his parents in New York.
One year, now in 5th grade, Ismail developed allergies that made his lungs weep, struggling to catch his breath. This summer, he was visited by his parents. They took him to the best doctors they could find, but they were not able to help Ismail. They could not even determine the cause of the air passage constrictions Ismail was having. Unable to determine the cause, and the worry that it caused for Ismail's parents, they decided that it would be best to bring him to New York. Ismail was relived that he was going back with his parents, but at the same time, he felt sad he was leaving his sister behind. He would also miss those people that interacted with him throughout the years he spent there. On the way to the airport, Ismail felt relief, and was now able to breathe better.
The next few years Ismail was rediscovering the forgotten wonders that he once was exposed to as a 7 year old. This fall he would be starting 6th grade, and the though of having to make new friends was unsettling, as Ismail never the one to open up to others. In 7th and 8th grade, junior high seemed to go by very fast for Ismail. Just before graduating from junior high, Ismail developed a crush on a girl in the same class. Her name was Iris Lopez, and she made him feel as if he could do anything. He brought flowers for her into class, with the teacher and all the students staring, and the thought did not even cross his mind to think what they might make fun of him. Only 2 weeks to the prom, Ismail was mustering the courage to ask her to go with him, but he found out from his friends that she was already going with someone else. Two weeks pass, and on prom night, Ismail can't help wondering why she will not even acknowledge him. He spends the whole night dancing with the rest of the girls in the same class, all the time them approaching him to dance, but every chance he got, he would look over to see where Iris was and with whom she was dancing with now. After tonight, Ismail would not open up his heart to any girl, for a long time to come.
High school seemed to pass bye just as fast for Ismail. He attended Franklyn K. Lane for 2 years, and Sheepshead Bay for the remaining 2 years. Both schools were full of not so nice kids. He kept himself busy with his studies, and even had the chance to graduate early, but instead, divided his last 4 classes across the whole year, just so he could stay longer. The world seemed like an even scarier place, if high school was any indicator for what lay ahead. If environment was a factor in shaping the type of person Ismail would become, he should have been arrested a number of times, as well as picked up a trade or two. Those aspects of environment did not influence him, while others, in his past, did. Was it biology that dictated what he found appealing and what he didn't?
Ismail was now attending Brooklyn College, and found the environment to be very unforgiving. With some interest in the computer sciences, he enrolls hoping to learn programming. Even though he was apt at application development, his interests were pulling him toward finding creating ways to use computers. Growing up, Ismail loved to read comics, doodle in his notebook, and even write poems. He needed a way to show his creativity and look for ways to be appreciated. He did not stay very long at Brooklyn College.
Now a grown man, Ismail was trying to find meaning in life. What was it all for? Were we put on this earth by a higher being? If so, why were we made to suffer through this existence? In his quest to find meaning in life, his attitudes toward those people that made others suffer even more that they already have, turned even bitter. Ismail has now become a semi-shy young man, who is giving, caring, self-critical, yet still open minded to the struggles of the innate human nature that people cope with throughout their lives. To this end, Ismail strives to stay honest and follow his heart in his attempt to make a positive impact on humanity. Some day, he will run his own business that strives to discover new ways to better help humanity deal with the hassles that we face every day. The risk involved in starting and actually maintaining a successful business comes in two forms. One is the appeal of the product and its cost, and the other, the risk involved in the development of the mentality of a success businessman, when you reach the top. The challenge Ismail set for himself is to try and not loose sight as to why he is pursuing this dream in the first place.
The life and times of Ismail Ibric is allot more extensive, but the summarized version you just read dealt with past events in his life that had a direct influence on what kind of person he turned out to be. What kind of person is Ismail really?
Ismail's basic personality shows that he is an Introvert. He likes to keep to himself. This might have come from his childhood as he dealt with separation from his parents. Or it might be genetic, like his father, who kept to himself and never made many enemies, but also, not too many friends either. Ismail's Jungian 16-Type personality is INTP. INTP is one of the 16 personality types defined in the Myers Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI). INTPs are about 1% of the general population, making this one of the rarest of types. The INTP is above all a thinker and his inner (private) world is a place governed by a strong sense of logical structure. For here is the central goal of the INTP: to understand and seek truth. The drive to understand things that are not yet understood is a very powerful force in the life of an INTP. Independence, derived primarily from strongly introverted Thinking, leads to perhaps the most difficult aspect (for others) of the INTP, namely stubbornness. If an INTP is pushed into doing something he will automatically resist. The reason for the resistance is simply that any action must first be filtered by the Ti, guided by the Ne. He must be given the chance to reach an independent decision, approving or rejecting the action. Finally, the dominant Ti function means that the INTP takes his interests and beliefs very seriously. Honesty and directness when explaining these interests are usually displayed. INTPs detest facades and particularly dislike people who exhibit them. Equally, those kind of people also dislike INTPs and avoid them at all cost, for they know that the INTP will see right through them. Humor is another aspect which marks out the INTP. He can readily dream up jokes about almost any situation. Taking things out of context is the chief source of humor and many an INTP is a Monty Pythonite. INTPs tend to be rather mistrusting of people and are rather skeptical. However, a lot of their trust is based on what the Ne function tells them about somebody. This can lead to a naivety and sometimes to prejudices based on intuitive perceptions of appearance and style. People can be a problem for INTPs: on the one hand they are fascinated by some types of people, especially more extraverted individuals, but a fear of irrational behavior in others usually leads to caution. Friendship with INTPs develops at a pace which depends considerably on the temperament of the other person. INTPs dislike making the first move and tend to mirror the emotional content of the other person. (James, 2000)
What does Ismail Value? Ismail's values are linked with fairness, for instance, when injustice is being perpetrated, he has the urge to fight back and right those wrongs. Each individual has certain underlying values, and Ismail believes in working hard in order to get ahead. "Values have three important characteristics. First, values are developed early in life and are very resistant to change. Second, values define what is right and what is wrong. And third, values themselves cannot be proved correct or incorrect, valid or invalid, right or wrong." (Wikipedia, 2006) As far as values relates to job satisfaction, there is very little correlation for Ismail, to suggest certain values will increase job satisfaction. "For some people a conflict can arise within them because they are trying to live a life according to the values of a company, an organization, a religious or political organization, the values of their friends or colleagues or partners, rather than living a life according to their own core values. In doing this, the values of the other people or organizations are being met but the person's own values are being left unfulfilled." (Woods, 2005) Job satisfaction for Ismail exists when both parties are satisfied with the amount of work/fairness in compensation, is exchanged. Ismail's values are what he brings to his work every day. He strives to achieve even greater things as he will not be satisfied unless there is a sense of accomplishment in his work. He is not motivated by power, fame and fortune, and understands that they are byproducts that need to be moderated and kept under control, and not in turn be controlled by them.
Love, or feeling devoid of it?! Ismail has grown up looking for a partner that shares his values, but who will also shares a spiritual connection with him. He is scrutinized by those around him for his high requirements that he expects from his future partner, but they do not see that he is a romantic deep down, even though he does not wear his heart on his sleeve, all he really wants is to be loved and to love in return. "Bentham's follower John Stuart Mill (1806-73) argued that it is the critic who insinuated that human beings are no better than pigs. For it is the critic who claims that our only pleasure are those of animal sensation. A more optimistic picture reminds us of the pleasure of friendship, achievement, art, music, Socratic conversation, and discovery." (Blackburn, 2001, p. 82) Ismail's values are quite different from what his parents and relatives look for in a life partner. His parents are traditional and as such, follow the traditions handed down to them from their parents, and so forth. Ismail's parents expect him to follow in their footsteps and marry a girl that comes from a respectable European family. But he is not the type to settle for anything less than the real thing. Even though he has been scorned by love in the past, a piece of him is missing and he searches for what he longs for. The attached poem, "Living The Life I Want", shows his need to express himself in an artistic way about what he is searching for. Are there other things that he wants from life?
What motivates Ismail? Is it the need to achieve that motivates him? What exactly is motivation? To be motivated is to be moved into action, according to the philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer (1841/1960), who was one of the first to speculate on the relationship between motivation and behavior. Action or behavior does not occur spontaneously but is induced by either internal motives or environmental incentives. (Deckers, 2001, p. 2) Abraham Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs has also been seen as an attributing factor to the understanding of personal base motives. This theory helps explain what humans need and in what order they seek these needs. Some believe knowing this hierarchy can help explain any action a human may take. (Wikipedia, 2006) What motivates Ismail are the countless children that go to sleep hungry, who do not have the proper hygienic facilities to remove human waste, who cant afford school supplies, who see life as a burden and this existence as a curse. He is a caring individual, empathetic with the plight of those that are struggling. What keeps him going is the hope that maybe one day his organization will be able to make the lives of countless people allot more bearable and maybe make a difference for a few. He realizes that some of the blame falls on people that are greedy. The ones that take more that their share are creating these grueling conditions for those that are deprived. He would like to see these corrupt organizations not just return monetary harmony, but turn over a new leaf, and see them helping others who need it most. If humanity avoided doing wrong onto itself, there would be none in need of help. But that is not the only thing that motivates him.
Ismail also thrives on thinking up and implementing new ideas and innovations that give him a sense of accomplishment. Self-worth is important part of his work as it keeps him motivated to keep trying to achieve even more. To feel that your work and your efforts are not in vein, and that their lives have been enriched by what you have to offer, gives you motivation to get through one more day. Being appreciated, on some level, is a small part of what keeps Ismail going as well. We often take our parents, our teachers, and our coaches for granted… Remembering to say "Thank You" is important for the person saying "Thanks", but it may even be more important for the person receiving it. (Taylor, 2000) Even though some might view this motivator as being selfish, it does not act as a corruptor for him. Ismail understands that not everything he does will be immediately appreciated. It might take time and understanding on the part of the receiving party to see what was really given to them. Self-confidence in what he does is reward enough, and if others see his contribution, he will gladly accept praise, as those giving praise, he believes, might share in his vision of bettering the lives for others. Are Ismail's morals right or wrong?
What do ethics mean to Ismail? How do people perceive what's right from wrong? How does Ismail make this distinction? Aristotle conceives of ethical theory as a field distinct from the theoretical sciences… Like Plato, he regards the ethical virtues (justice, courage, temperance and so on) as complex rational, emotional and social skills… Therefore practical wisdom, as he conceives it, cannot be acquired solely by learning general rules. We must also acquire, through practice, those deliberative, emotional, and social skills that enable us to put our general understanding of well-being into practice in ways that are suitable to each occasion. (Stanford, 2001) Growing up all around such bad influences did have an impact on him, but instead of corrupting him, instead those experiences served to relate to others and to better understand and sympathize with those that are or have lived through those situations. He has come to realize that situations people find themselves in dictate what they perceive to be right and wrong, what's acceptable by society or the group they belong to. In essence, it becomes "… a complex process by which individual opinions and judgments, biased by the interests and passions of those involved, may, under some conditions, in the aggregate, produce an opinion or a judgment in keeping with the common interest." (Boudon, 2001, p. 182) Depending on the position in life a certain individual finds himself in, ethics become a form of a survival mechanism, in that it is used to adapt to the environment the individual finds himself in, but only if that individual is somehow vulnerable and wants to be part of that group and is trying to fill a personal need. So ethics on its own are not a good sole indicator of what an individual is all about, at certain times, in certain situations, throughout our life. Ismail strives to live life to its fullest, going by what he perceives as being right. He tries not to do wrong or be controlled by negativity or ill will to anyone. He has found this goal to be very challenging and the harsh reality that is part of the real world, is not an ideal place, and that he might be faced with insurmountable odds. Even though people have the capacity for good, they are also capable of such unimaginably atrocious deeds.
Even with the facts at hand, he has not given up hope. As long as people are capable of good, there is hope. Staying positive is crucial in the face of great obstacles. Where he goes from here, and if he stays optimistic about the world around him is something that is to be seen. We can only pray for the best.
References
Blackburn, S. (2001). Being Good. A short introduction to ethics. Oxford: Oxford University Press.
Boudon, R. (2001). The Origin Of Values. Sociology and Philosophy on Beliefs. New Jersey: Transaction Publishers.
Deckers, L. (2001). Motivation. Biological, Psychological, and Environmental. Main: Allyn & Bacon.
James, P. (2000). A description of the INTP Personality Type. Retrieved October 16, 2006, from http://www.intp.org/intprofile.html
Stanford. (2001) Aristotle's Ethics. Stanford, CA: Stanford University. Retrieved October 16, 2006, from http://plato.stanford.edu/entries/aristotle-ethics/
Taylor, I. (2000). Feeling Appreciated. British Columbia: suite101.com. Retrieved October 16, 2006, from http://www.suite101.com/article.cfm/making_learning_fun/35236
Wikipedia. (2006). Base motive. Wikimedia Foundation, Inc. Retrieved October 14, 2006, from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Base_motive
Woods, D. (2005) Personal Core Values. Ezine Articles. Retrieved October 15, 2006, from http://ezinearticles.com/?Personal-Core-Values&id=73132
Living the Life I Want
Wake up at the crack of dawn,
Turn around and don't know where the day has gone.
Hustle and bustle rushing to get to a meet,
Wondering why life seems so incomplete.
If life would only change for a day,
A day to relax and kick back, still pray.
Walk on the beach with my sweet dove,
Reminiscent of that past love.
Love that we still share,
But forgotten, a love to repair.
If but a day is all that can be spared,
Gladly would it be declared,
Take This Pain Away,
Living the Life I Want,
if but for a day.
Turn around and don't know where the day has gone.
Hustle and bustle rushing to get to a meet,
Wondering why life seems so incomplete.
If life would only change for a day,
A day to relax and kick back, still pray.
Walk on the beach with my sweet dove,
Reminiscent of that past love.
Love that we still share,
But forgotten, a love to repair.
If but a day is all that can be spared,
Gladly would it be declared,
Take This Pain Away,
Living the Life I Want,
if but for a day.
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